As most of you know, I’m quite forward & honest. I don’t “sugar coat” reality & I definitely don’t shy away from the good, bad, & ugly. I just can’t! That being said… I’ve officially learned that the famous saying “You are what you eat!” is 100% 🐂💩! (If my emojis didn’t pop up or you’re not good at brain teasers… here ya go: Bull Shit)
I’ll begin with this… I feel like hammered 💩! (Why does the poop emoji have a smile?!?! So frustrating. And no IT IS NOT A CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM! Simply type “poop” and that is the emoji that pops up.)
Sorry, my recent food habits are making me bitter, moody, & short tempered. (And here is my starting point.)
As I’m typing this blog post I can barely feel my right hand. I have carpal tunnel & it’s driving me insane. As a matter of fact, I had gone to see a surgeon sometime in August because the pain was so bad! (As a nurse, I hate being the patient so I quietly exited the building & avoided planning a “surgery date”.)
The part that makes me most upset is that about a month ago it didn’t bother me one bit! See, when I started my weight loss journey on 9/4/2017 I noticed that day by day my aches and pains (including my numb & painful hand) disappeared! If I’m honest, I don’t even remember them going away, I just remember waking up not feeling them.
Let me list the issues I had before I began my weight loss journey: (just read the damn list 🤨 because I wrote it, and if you started reading this blog post then read it until the end. 🙄)
3. Heart Burn/Nausea
4. Back Pain/Neck Pain
5. Joint Pain: Hands, Elbows, Knees, Ankles
9. Inability to Sleep/Nightmares
11. Swelling: Face, Hands, Neck
12. Pain! ALL OVER!
The interesting part is, I just kinda “learned” to live with these things. For the love of Baby Jesus! I’m about to be 37! Not 107!!!! Completely Un-acceptable!
That being said, I began to shed weight and with that, shed ailments from that list! Like if I had taken some magic potion! (Which I didn’t…) It was amazing! I felt like I was on top of the world! I began to feel clean & happy on the inside as well as strong & beautiful on the outside!
And then… I ruined it! 🤯🤬😏
Yes! I ruined it. One day at a time. A little cookie here, a little Pizza there, a little more cookies here, a few more cookies there… Basically the cookies were my gateway “drug” to LOTS OF COOKIES, Cakes, Pizza, Pasta, F A S T F O O D!
Right around Christmas I had a long run with the flu, stomach virus, & a sinus infection with bilateral ear infections from HELL! 🔥 The bad part about all those is that I apparently felt entitled to eat shitty! Like somehow I deserved a “treat”. Well let’s just say (I’ve said this before…) I have very little if any, self control! A little nibble isn’t possible! It’s go big or go home style for me!
You wanna know what makes this whole situation worse?!?!?! I feel EVERY SINGLE ailment on my above list AGAIN!!! I’m miserable! Everything I didn’t realize I had to begin with has now proved to have been GONE for 3 months! And my poor choices have led them straight back to momma! 🤭😱😫😤🤷🏻♀️
In the past I may have felt humiliated by my actions… but this time around I’m just pissed off at myself. As I write this I feel like a swollen aching miserable tired cranky fat ass! Actually I slept like 💩 last night, and the night before that, and the 5 nights before that!
This morning, I began to write this post partially asleep because it just came to me! (I don’t write daily or on a schedule. I write when I have something to say or when the theme just hits me!) FYI: I swear I was hit by a TRAIN 🚂 Last night!
So, since I started this off with the thought that “you are what you eat” is completely a lie… I ate tons of sweets and I am certainly not “sweet” right now!!! I’m Bitter & Salty! (Well wait… Pizza?! Never mind!)
I’m not completely lost friends… I’m not too far gone either. I’m simply hanging on a thread over a 500 foot cliff BUT I can see a net at the mid way point. My support system is HUGE! I just have to pull my 💩 together & stop making excuses.
I need to FOOD PLAN & GET MY ASS BACK TO THE GYM!!!!!!!
This blog post is my reminder post. Allow me a moment to capture this and how I feel right this minute in my brains forever file…
Very quickly, let’s talk numbers:
I began this journey at 268.8lbs. I got down to 235.7lbs. I currently weigh 241.4lbs. (As of like 2 minutes ago!)
The pounds really aren’t as “bad” as I thought?! But my body says otherwise. I feel just awful physically. Everything hurts! As I am writing this I have awful heart burn & pain in my joints! (Besides the numb hand that has caused me to stop and start writing this 27 times!)
So where do I go from here? I need to stop making excuses and rise above my temporary failure. Let me not forget that I am human & an addict of food! This is where my blog was born from & this is how I learn more about myself. This is my platform… for any of you reading this that need a pass for a new start… HERE IT IS!
My next weigh in and update will be on 2/5/18, just 4 days before my 37th Birthday! I have goals to reach and goals to crush. (Oh! And ailments to get rid of!!!!!!)
So here I go!
Until next time…