Where shall I begin?… ?? I know! Let’s travel back in time… (only for a moment) 4 week’s ago I took a leap of faith and began my weight loss journey ehmmm for the 5th time… (Don’t judge me… I’m middle aged & hormonal!) I was slowly becoming reluctant to share my stories with all of you. For a while I felt like I was somehow “cheating” my readers because I could talk a good talk but I couldn’t deliver results! (Basically, I was my own conscience & my own destruction… & somehow I had intrigued thousands of people to read my words, but was missing the opportunities to inspire others!)
How could I encourage others through my journey, if I had no control? So many of you have said that my stories were so relatable to you, and that makes me so happy BUT I WASN’T a good example. How could I stand (I’m actually sitting) here (just focus on the impact of my words) and tell you ALL ABOUT MY STRUGGLE… but not do something about it? Let’s be honest! If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem! ??♀️ I was the one complaining but wasn’t ready or willing to put my money where my mouth is! ???
Today makes 5.0 week’s since I started doing Weight Watchers. (FYI: I am not paid by WW to say what I say…) I started off weighing 268.8# (???) Two Hundred Sixty Eight Pounds & Eight Ounces!!!!!!! (<——— did that help with the impact?) (My highest weight EVER!!!) Somehow on September 4, 2017 something just CLICKED! My HEART finally reached out to my BRAIN & they made peace. My heart hurt so bad (not like heart attack but heartbreak) I had my daughter (the Tween) take the most unbearable photos of MY REALITY. There I was, vulnerable & exposed (within reason… settle down. ?) already planning on deleting them! I was worried about what the photos would look like & how “fat” I was gonna look… but what killed me was my daughters expression of sadness & shame as she took the pictures. I saw in her eyes what I know everyone else see’s too! (Please spare me the “you’re beautiful the way you are…” Let’s call a spade a spade!) I was ashamed, appalled, angry, sad, fearful, & embarrassed. I was mortified by what I saw on my phone. ?
Some will ask me why I took these pictures… simple: I think it’s important to see where you started and how far you’ve come. It gives purpose to our choices & life to our ambitions. These photos changed me. These photos showed ME what I have run from so long!
I’m not ready to publicly display these photos BUT I WILL! Why? Well, because it is the reason I have completed 4 consecutive week’s of my weight loss journey. I feel proud & accomplished! I said this before… “I’m proud of myself, but I know there is still a long hard road ahead… However, this time I’m looking forward to the journey!” These words are crucial to me. They remind me that I’m allowed to be happy about small accomplishments and that I can’t put my guard down during this phase of my life.
I also feel like my pictures might encourage someone else to face their deepest darkest secrets & make a change. I’m no “hero” and certainly not the greatest example but I’m a woman who lives my life like many and struggles with balancing food as well as life’s curveballs! I’m a regular lady who happens to be a mother, wife, & nurse who struggles with FOOD. (Can I get an Amen from those who can relate?! ??)
So, Results: (Because you didn’t just read this for the hell of it! ? – I mean, I hope you didn’t? ?)
I’ve lost a total of 17.6 pounds in my first 4 week’s on WW!!!! I feel so much better! Oh and my skin doesn’t look like I’m the crypt keeper anymore! (I had no idea I looked so bad! I seriously looked like hammered shit! ???)
I’m 82.4 pounds away from my goal weight, but I’m not weary. I’m motivated and driven! My props to #weightwatchers because the reality is that if you follow the program… it works! (If you’re not losing weight on the program it’s DEFINITELY OPERATOR ERROR!)
Well… not that we’ve gotten that off my chest ?
I’d also like to let you all know that I have also started WALKING!!! (Everyone take a deep breath, the world is NOT ENDING! Yes… you read that correctly. ???) I’d like to thank my walking partner & friend “Janet” for encouraging me & making the time pass quickly! (It’s amazing how laughing along the way makes it more clear how out of shape you are!!! ? I’d also like to thank “Whiskey” for pulling me through when I felt like giving up… (Well dragging is more like it!) (FYI: “Whiskey” is a 6 month old German Shepard who clearly is unaware of my exercise deficiency.)
So with all this being said, I’d like to encourage you all to stop hiding & take that picture. Open your eyes to what others already see. After all it’s only us who’ve been running away all along.
I’ll leave you with this…
**Hey!! Subscribe to my blog!! Follow me on Instagram & Facebook @badcupcakegirl