That Time I Made A Commitment… 

I recently had someone ask me what my plan was to “lose” weight and get healthy. They also asked me what methods I had tried in the past & what my goals were… I’ve also had people ask when I’m gonna actually start… Initially, I was like “whoa! are you an intervention agent sent here by my mom?!”?

After a few moments, I realized these were totally legit questions ? especially since I’ve decided to put my life out on social media. I had to take a moment to turn OFF my defense mechanisms so that I could be what I set out to be… Uncensored & Authentic!

Before I answer those questions and so many more, I first have to tell you about the time I made a commitment.

Let’s turn the clock back for just a moment… bare with me!

In 2011, I graduated from nursing school. ?? I was elated!!! ??????? I had worked so hard because I knew that it was what I always wanted! I also knew that it was the best thing for my little family of 3. My husband stepped up to the plate and literally took care of everything house, kid, & work so that I could concentrate on this endeavor. It was hard at times. Really, really, hard! Many times I felt like a terrible mom, wife, person! But, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel! (And it wasn’t a train. ?) (FYI: my parents also stepped up to the plate and helped whenever we needed additional help.)

Anyway, for many years my now tween begged us for a sibling and although we wanted to have another baby, timing was WAY OFF! ⏰ I’d always say things like “after I finish school” & “after I pass my boards” & “after, after, after…” Eventually, my first born asked enough times that we ran out of “after’s”.

What she didn’t know was that my biggest “after” (not mentioned above) was “after I lose weight”. I was overweight and under so much stress. (I do believe I gained about 30 lbs during nursing school!) I had seen my OB/GYN for an annual check up and he had mentioned that I had polycystic ovarian syndrome as well as other hormonal changes that would likely cause me trouble getting pregnant this time around. It crushed me! How did I allow myself to get here? Dr. G definitely suggested that I make some changes in order to increase my chances. Funny, after I shared my situation with others, I had many people tell me that I was wasting my time trying to lose any weight since I was going to gain it all back anyway, but that wasn’t my plan! I wanted the best chance for pregnancy & I wanted to have the best pregnancy I could! I wanted my new baby to have the healthiest environment I could give so that he/she wouldn’t suffer because of MY bad eating choices. I needed to make big decisions because only I could help create the best case scenario for a pregnancy.

WE wanted a baby! So I set a plan in motion! I made a commitment! I said that until I lost enough weight to feel healthier and feel better I would not attempt pregnancy. It would only be possible if I reached my goal! (I really never knew what my goal was? I never really put a number to it, just a feeling.) So, I started Weight Watchers.

**Side Note: If you’re looking for a healthy lifestyle and change for you and your entire family I totally recommend WW. (FYI: I am not paid to say that. It’s my personal opinion.)

I weighed 248 lbs when I embarked on my “Mission Baby”! I ate right, and did cardio every other day for an hour. Nothing could sway me, detour me, break me! I was unstoppable! I was committed!

About 5 months later, I had lost 45 lbs! It was insane! I was a totally different person! I loved how I was looking and feeling! At that point we decided to “start trying” knowing I had more weight to go! Well, it apparently only took 1 try! ???

I got pregnant at 203 lbs. I was a little nervous but I was on a role! My OB/GYN told me I could continue WW throughout my pregnancy and I did. (Well, except for the Oreos & Pistachio ice cream cravings! Cut me some slack, there was baby in my belly! ?) During my pregnancy my biggest cravings were for seaweed salad, tropical fruit, and sour lemonade! I ate 2 or 3 oranges a day and could eat 5 bowls of barely frozen mixed tropical fruit with honeycrisp apples! <———- Delicious! My favorite meal!

Anyway, fast forward to the day I had my now Threenager, I weighed 236 lbs the morning of. (I had the prettiest belly!! Tiger stripes and all! ?)

At 37 weeks, I delivered a beautiful, healthy, perfect 6lb 4oz baby girl!!!! ? I felt ahhhhmazing! (Hormonal but ahhhhhmazing! OH and I got shingles 2 days after I had her!!!!! THAT WAS HORRIBLE!!!) Anyway, we went home a couple of days later and I felt on top of the world! I could clean, cook, take care of baby, PreTween, and hubby like a boss! I was fierce and WOW! In less than 3 weeks I was down to 213 lbs! 10 pounds from pre-baby weight! I was motivated, happy, proud!

What happened next? Well, long story short… I went to see my “new” primary doctor and I was taken off my thyroid medicine (because my levels “looked great!” -it’s best I don’t continue on this topic… It’s still a sore subject for me! ? My response was not polite or friendly… I explained to him (again, this was my first visit) that I’d been on this medication for YEARS (7 years to be exact)! And that my thyroid condition didn’t just “go away”! In the end my script was not refilled!)

Several months went by and I rapidly felt sluggish and insane! I knew something was wrong… My weight began to creep up and I couldn’t fight it! Soon after, was when I made my first appointment with Dr. V. (My endocrinologist), let’s just say he was very confused and shocked that my “primary care physician” didn’t refill my meds. (I was asking for Synthroid not Oxycodone! ??☹️) <—– like I said, sore subject

Anyway, the next thing I knew I was 238 lbs! (and no, I will not solely blame my PCP or the thyroid situation for this derailment.) was out of control mentally & physically! Suddenly that extra serving of rice or pasta or cake didn’t matter. was off my game and fell off my commitment!

Fast Forward the clock to now:

Just a couple of days ago I had a conversation with my parents about my plans… We talked about how I was going to blog my journey. (There was definitely some reservations, since this outpouring of personal business on social media isn’t the norm- I get it, but they too finally understood that this route was how I knew I’d accomplish my goal.) Amongst the many things we talked about, I mentioned how I was upset about how I failed in the past to keep healthy but how I was now ready! Mentally & emotionally ready & my dad cut me off quickly & said… “You haven’t failed, because you haven’t given up!” He’s right! (I’ve never stopped wanting to lose weight. I just saw lots of squirrels! Or Cupcakes? Whatever you get it… “Oh look! Cupcakes!”)

All jokes aside, I am making a commitment & I will make this change and make it permanent. No more excuses! No more blames! No more should haves! No more would haves! No more could haves!

I know that I am a force to be reckoned with when I make a “Commitment“! I know this, because I’ve conquered before! I know there will be doubters and nay-Sayers but I can only focus on my cheerleaders! This is my truth! This is my journey, this is me making a commitment!

OH! To answer the initial questions… Stay tuned for my next post “Laying Out My Plan… Ready! Set! Go!”

“Eat like you love yourself. Move like you love yourself. Speak like you love yourself. Act like you love yourself.” -Unknown

-BadCupcakeGirl

Leave a Reply