Helloooo… It’s me… (And enter Adele’s Voice)
New challenges ahead!
Nah just kidding… Same challenges just days, weeks, months, years (you get the point) later.
I still love food… Or don’t I? Maybe I just eat to eat? (Epiphany!)
Since you’ve been away… (Well you’ve probably never left?) I mean since I’ve been away nothing’s changed really except my mom (who isn’t fat ?) started going to the gym again and quite frankly looks ahhhmazing! I mean wow! She looks smokin’ HAWT! She’s pumped and motivated And she even attempted one of those… How do you call it… Ah! Yes! “I n t e r v e n t i o n s” which was brilliantly planned I must say! What better way to “intervene” a fluffy chicks “eating issues” than by coming over to “cook”! ????(Healthy but delish) Allow me to tell you in a very animated way how this went down…
The moment… (As I’m placing a piece of perfectly cooked cod in my mouth)
Mom: ? “I’m concerned…” (Play dramatic music tun tun tun)
Me… ? “oh God!!! Is everything ok?!?!?! What’s wrong?!?!?? Is dad ok? Are you!? Oh no! My brother? Sister? WHAT?!?! For the love of God what?!?!”
Mom: ? “Everyone’s fine. It’s you.”
(I love these emojis)
Me: ?? “ME?! Now I’m totally confused!”
Mom: ??? “your father and I… (Oh great! Now my dad is in the mix… This must be bad! Usually the start of ‘your father and I’ is not exactly ??) are very worried about… (Yes? Go on… I’m really wanting to finish chewing or swallowing this way too big piece of partially chewed cod in my mouth!) ??? YOUR WEIGHT!”
Me: “holy s#?$ mom! You just gave me a mini heart attack!” ?
After about an hour of conversation and formation of a plan… (That lasted ummm I don’t know… 9 days?) How could I not just agree to “do something about it”? Regardless, I flopped. But hey! That’s my M.O. (Is that the correct way to write M.O.?)
The real issue is this…
How can a woman like me who is generally hell-bent on accomplishing my goals be so weak when it comes to my health?! For the love of Jesus… This is absurd! I can do anything… And succeed. I can focus and work as a nurse, pay bills, clean the house, run a small business, be a wife, a daughter, a friend, and most importantly be a mom of 2 girls!! (One of them is a tween and the other a threenager – nuff said) Yet I have zero control of my personal self?!
I wake up every morning with good intentions… 30 seconds later I’ve already planned my excuse for eating the 17 slices of bread and 2 lbs of butter (this people IS an exaggeration for dramatic effect)
I’ve not even pulled from the pantry and fridge yet! I can come up with an excuse as to why I should eat something bad vs why I shouldn’t in a split second! (I call this genius!! ?) How is it possible to manipulate YOURSELF?! I am my own worst enemy.
Well… To add insult to injury… My “tween” made the cheer team for Middle School… (I’m super happy for her!!) but I am not a “cheer mom”, my husband (who is the most amazing husband on this planet! ❤️) advised me that I needed to try and be more “sociable and play nice with others” ? I am sociable! He explained to me that I have a tendency to come off as “moody and antisocial”… (?WOWZA! Are we about to have another “I N T E R V E N T I O N” ?) Listen, I can play nice and once people get to know me… They generally LOVE ME! But getting to know me (as I am) is hard to do. Psychologically I feel “fat” and can swear people are whispering “fat chick” or “moo” as I walk
By… Don’t get me wrong, I’m a confident lady but my exterior whittles me away until I have the chance to speak… (I’m certainly a charmer!)
I tell you about this cheer situation because I don’t want to be that crazy mom on “dance moms” or that woman other moms look at as “hunny! She needs an Atkins bar and water bottle!” I don’t want my “tween” who is already going to struggle with the teenage years & middle school to have to worry about what people say about mommy too! But how do I change? How do I respect myself enough to change my self manipulation and defeat? How do I become on the outside who I am on the inside?
This struggle is real. It’s raw. It’s uncensored. It’s powerful. This is my struggle. #day1alloveragain #badcupcakegirl