As I get ready to begin week 11 of my weight loss journey, I think about all the things that have lead me to this moment. If I am completely honest, I have cried & laughed & hated myself to sleep so many times. I’ve missed events, turned down dates (with my hubby obviously!), avoided family pictures & looking in the mirror more times than I ever want to admit. But I wouldn’t change those moments even if I could!
The obvious part of this blog post is ACCEPTANCE. I have to accept the past & not regret it. I have to appreciate my downfalls so that I can savor my triumphs! Three weeks ago I began the Lose To Live Challenge at 3D Dance & Fitness and learned I can be part of something so much bigger than my “fatness”! I can!
When I decided to start this weight loss journey, I didn’t have a “plan” except that I woke up one morning and said… “ENOUGH!” I was turning into a disfigured version of myself that scared me. I’ve never been “vain” but I do like to look “pretty”, feel confident, & dress nice. I was literally at a point where I couldn’t find clothes that fit without looking like a vertical couch 🛋 or a bull in a dress! My scrubs were sooooooooo tight! My fat rolls were eating my bra! 😳 I couldn’t even SHAVE MY LEGS without becoming short of breath.
Just picture this: You wake up in the morning & not only did I sleep terrible (mostly because I was like a beached whale compressing my organs and snoring like a freight train! Do you know that my IPhone asked me one morning if I wanted to hear my snoring from the night?!?!?!?!?!?! – First, that creeped me out. Second, NO! I don’t want to hear myself snoring. Third… maybe just a little listen… OH MY GAWD! I DO SOUND LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN! Maybe I need to consult this with a medical professional?!) Sorry… I rambled.
Anyway, back to the beached whale situation. So I sit up in my bed, and plant my RIGHT foot down first (superstition- don’t judge). I literally cringe with pain! Every joint hurts! My ankles pop & I feel like I’m walking on broken glass! It takes about 30 steps to loosen the hinges but it feels like an eternity!
Moving right along, I do the usual morning routine of washing my face, brushing my teeth, showering… but THEN I have to get dressed. 🤭🙄 All I can think of is wear black! (Sadly at my place of employment black isn’t an option! Royal Blue is! And let me just tell you I most certainly do not look “Royal” in that get up!)
I finish putting on my 2 sizes too small uniform and proceed to put on my shoes…………………………. <gasp> Literally I’m gasping for air! So, I end up with the shoe string “tied on the side, you’re a chunky monkey” style and head off to work!
The Drive is short but (I’m usually running on Cuban Time… never heard of that? Look it up! It’s a real thing!) I’m so uncomfortable! Tight everywhere! Like a sardine in a can! Clearly you know how the rest of my day went… UNCOMFORTABLE & LONG!
See, here is the thing… I had to experience that “Uncomfortable & Long” mini hell day in and day out until I finally said enough! I had to hit rock bottom & ACCEPT that only I could make the change that needed to be done.
That infamous morning where I woke up and decided I was going to change my life for good wasn’t the first time I’d said that. In fact if you read back on my blog you’ll see how long and how many times I’ve said enough is enough. (That’s the part that makes me human.)
But something changed on September 4, 2017. I accepted where I was in my life and how unhappy I was with my physical appearance, my emotional state, & my lack of motivation. What frustrated me most was that I had everything I needed to make a change! All I had to do was simple. I simply had to accept my current state and change.
Everyday that I felt like a sardine in a can, every time that I avoided a family picture & avoided the mirror, every time my decision to “do something about it” but didn’t… lead me to the morning of 9/4/2017. I couldn’t be upset with where I was… because I brought myself to that point & I had to take myself out.
And so, I started. One day at a time. One meal at a time. One step at a time. I put ALL MY EGGS IN ONE BASKET (contrary to Murphy’s Law… I ACCEPTED that this was the ONLY way!)
On September 4, 2017 I sat down and set my long term and short term goals.
In the past 11 week’s I have crushed my self doubt, demolished my self pity, overcome my fears, & accepted my undying desire to be the greatest version of myself. These words aren’t coming from an arrogant or narcissistic place, but from a liberated & motivated abyss that once entangled my physical and emotional weakness and used it against me.
My weight loss thus far has been safe & consistent. My workouts have been measured & precise and of course dictated by professionals. (Thank God for Lessie & Waylon as well as all the amazing people I’ve met at the gym & encourage my journey everyday!!) I can see my changes in the mirror and I can feel the changes in my mind & heart.
I can do this! I will never stop! I have found a love for myself that I never knew existed… or perhaps I had forgotten.
I love what’s happening in my life right now & with that I hope that I can be that little voice in some of your heads. A little voice that tells you, it’s your time too! Leap! Jump! Fly! Give it all you have and don’t stop. It’s scary to think a change is even possible. It’s hard to look at the long road ahead, but don’t let that road shake you. Those days are going to go by anyway. Embrace it, ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE, & enjoy the ride.
Until next time I leave you with this: