I was dreading the recheck appointment this past week… Why? Well for many reasons but mostly because I failed. I’m a failure! ? (the crowd gasps!) A fraud! ? (the crowd inhales loudly with disbelief) A loose-lip-get-in-trouble-false-promise-morbidly-obese-disappointment! (Ugh, that was a nasty reality check… Goodness that was harsh! Ewe that was down right awful! ?) **uh… quick disclaimer – I am not depressed and thank you but no thank you I am not needing any “happy” pills…** (Goodness! Let’s make that clear as day! I write like this for “emphasis” & “vivid interpretation”)
So this week I had to visit the endocrinologist. Really, a nice male doctor with a soft spoken tone (yet somehow that tone GROWLS IN MY BRAIN?! ‘Failure’?- um he’s never said this BTW) it’s like he causes my brain to consume itself by mode of guilty conscience? **quick story… When I was a kid my dad never spanked us… EVER! He was talented though. This man could simply say “we’ll talk about it when I get home.” and UGH ? the guilt! The conscience would take over and turn a simple skip day into a bank heist! (Again, this is only for exaggeration purposes.)** (One more thing: my dad is amazing!)
Anyway, I have Hypothyroidsism. ? My type is better known as “Hashimoto’s Disease”. Basically, my thyroid gland went to hell along with a few other minor things! ? This happened approximately 10 years ago after I had my “tween” (you know that sweet and perfect little baby girl that has suddenly turned into this moody, emotional, grumpy, dramatic troll? ? Yes… That one! ?) At first I thought I was losing my mind! I was so tired all the time. I mean like a stick of butter on the drive way, on a hot summer day! (Picture that! ☀️) I mean you couldn’t scoop me up if you tried! It was this awful feeling of needing and wanting to get up and DO something ANYTHING, but I just couldn’t. Oh yes, and then I totally started to lose my cookies! I couldn’t put my thoughts together, everything was overwhelming me and… I could spit nails at the slightest insignificant things! ? Who the hell was I? (**side note- my husband is the best husband because I was truly bat S#%& crazy for a while until they figured this mess out!-**) It was like being trapped in this strange ‘Alice In Wonderland’ Hell! I was angry and swollen? My hands were so dry and cracked! I was tearful and losing my hair! (U-hm… I have the best hair on this planet! It’s my favorite things about me! This was NOT acceptable! ?)
Anyway, I see Dr. V every so many months to follow up and make sure the medication I take, “Synthroid” (I may need a few others… ?) is working appropriately and well quite frankly to make sure that I’ve not gone off the deep end emotionally. (This “disease” can make you feel and act a little crazy as I briefly mentioned before, if it’s not controlled- just ask my husband… I’m sure he’d LOVE to elaborate! ?)
Anyway, my blood work was all normal and my “medication” is working as it should so ✔️. Now, let’s back it up… as I entered the office lead by his very sweet (“skinny” ?) nurse I slowly walked (the green mile) to the scale.(digital- so fudging wasn’t possible… ?) She politely said “ok Mrs. Castro, let’s see how much you weigh.” (Here’s what I heard… YOU… With the cute kid next to you… Yeah, you… Upsidaisy… Get up on it… Let’s see how much damage you did while you were out on bond!) ??? (did I mention I freaking LOVE EMOJI’s??) Anyway, I walked towards the scale thinking, hmm? “What can I take OFF my body that would decrease a few lbs but not be considered indecent exposure?” (Question: I’ve always heard you should weigh butt naked?! Is this not correct??)
So, I got on the scale and like a box of sugar coated dynamite… BAM! 247.5, 247.9 (tilt left…) 247.6! Not my best work but eh I’ll take it! Hashimoto’s will cause your metabolism to slow making weight loss a bit more challenging… (I will not sit here and lie to you… My “weight” is not solely based on this crutch available to me! This girl can EAT! Like a BOSS! ????????)
Anyway, she politely walks me to my room and does the usual blood pressure & pulse measurements. She sweetly (sweet as molasses) says “he’ll be with you shortly” and exits the room closing the door behind her… So now, I sit in the room with my “tween” and ponder what sins I’ve committed and how I’m gonna negotiate my way out of them!
As we are waiting my “tween” says, “mom how much did she say you weighed?” ? I simply said… The classic mom answer “why? that’s none of your business…”?? And she, standing staring at some poster on the wall says… “247 point what?” ? Here I go! Falling into the inquisitive trolls boobie trap! (Is that how you spell that?) “Why?!” She responds by advising me that I’m considered “Morbidly Obese!”… ??? “Oh!? Really? (Just act natural! Is this doctor EVER gonna get in here?! I rather confess to him than explain the fat thing to my kid with her 50 questions!)
Saved by the knock! In comes Dr. V. Polite as always… With a smile says “your labs look great!! The medicine is working.” (Brace yourself here it comes!!!?) “I see you’ve gained a little weight?” ? “It’s ok. You just need to focus on what’s important and make better choices. You’re young and can do this! I know you can.” <———how the H E L L does one respond to that?!!
I had no words. He said he’d see me in a year and that if I needed him, to just call! ??? And just like that he left the room and I worked for about 3 minutes to lift my jaw up from the floor… My “tween” said “you see mom! He was so nice!” I left wanting him to cuss me! But classy Dr. V avoided said session like the plague… Well played doc. Well played.
So I will work to make “better choices” and aim for a healthier lifestyle.(I’d like to make something clear… I am not wanting to be “skinny”, I want to be “healthy and happy”!) So until my next weigh in… My friends and fellow readers… I will decide on my short term goal in hopes of leading to my long term goal of 175lbs! Wish me luck!